Archive for June, 2012

So.

I know I’ve said before that I wasn’t going to have a scale in the house. That I would drive myself nuts and I was only going to step on a scale once a week at TOPS.

Well, I went out and bought one. A nice one. It’s all digital and tells you all sorts of things, like how hydrated you are, your body fat percentage bone density and a bunch of other things.

What I’ve been doing is stepping on everyday right after I shower. I’m tracking my daily weight in relation to the food I ate and my emotional status the day before, as well as the the quality and quantity of sleep I had the night before.

The trick, and this is what I’m having a hard time with, is still only really looking at the weight number as the weigh in once a week. Our weigh can, and will, change by up to a few pounds each day. It’s really easy to get discouraged if I’m three pounds heaver because of water retention or poor sleep than I was the day before. And, it’s likely that it’ll be gone the next day.

So, we’ll see, I’m hopeful.

(First off, y’all have NO flippin’ idea how hard it was to not spell that Sabobtage. A derby sister, and woman who is literally almost 1/2 the woman she was a year ago, spells her derby name that way. And, since Bob is one of my biggest “I wanna lose weight like that” inspirations, I’d totally love to give her a nod. But this seems like it’d be more of a dig with this post. And I don’t want that.)

So.

Day before yesterday I stepped on our new scale (yes, I did go out and buy one, but that’s another post) and realized that I could very well break 230 at this week’s weigh in.

So, what do I do? I eat yesterday like I haven’t eaten in a long time.

Why in the hell do we do that? Why, WHY  whould I knowingly sabotage myself? I really don’t think I did any damage to the weigh in. I still worked out yesterday.

Seriously guys, why is it we think we don’t deserve to reach our goals? Why don’t we think we can’t be happy? I mean it. Please comment on this one. I’m totally at a loss as to why so many people self sabotage. I know last night as I was eating a chocolate cake with cherry pie filling and whipped cream parfait, one part of my mind was yelling at me to “JUST FUCKING STOP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!” while the other part was going “Eh. It’s not like I’m actually going lose all the weight I’ve set out to lose. Look at all the times I’ve tried and failed.”

That part of my brain needs to sit the hell down and never open its mouth again. Ever. I’m serious. This morning it’s all guilt and being angry with myself and just….. not a good mental day.

So, from here on out. NO MOAR SELF SABOTAGING!!!!

For any of us.

Period.

I mean it.

If I catch myself self sabotaging again I’m going to post on MFP (which posts to both my fb and Twitter accounts) and make a blurb post here. I know a lot of you don’t comment, but I see the views my page gets every day. And that’s enough to know that I’ve got people watching me.

Stats:
  • Calves: 17.7″ from 17.1″
  • Thigh: 27.7″ from 27.6″
  • Hips: 46.5″ from 46.1″
  • Waist: 47.0″ from 45.0″
  • Chest: 39.3″ from 39.5″
  • Bicep: 16.6″ from 16.1″
  • Shoulders: 49.5″ from 48.5”
  • Neck: 16.1″ from 15.4”
  • Weight: 234.0 from 233.6

Yay’s: TMI ALERT!!! It was that time of the month. So, I tend to bloat up and retain water. I’m very seriously considering not weighing in or posting a stats that week out of every month.

Meh’s: Still not following my new 1200 calorie plan. Did no working out. At all.

Goals:
  • At least 75% of the time I spend watching TV will be spent on the treadmill. ~ Did NOTHING!
  • Do not go in a grocery store more than once a week. Even then, if it’s not on the list, I don’t buy it. ~ No.
  • Work on De-Hoarding our house, get rid of extra clothes, get organized. ~ A forever work in progress.
  • Get up every weekday morning and exercise. ~ Stopped doing this. Will start again this week.
  • Get house “Dinner Party” clean. ~ I get it there, it’s keeping it there that’s the problem.
  • Get a bunch of “Grab and Go” healthy food put together. ~ No.
  • Pack lunch the night before, so it’s not a mad dash in the morning. ~ Nope.
  • Even out my calorie intake. ~ No.
  • Burn 600 calories a day. ~ No.
To be honest, I haven’t been working towards my goals and not really anything. I’ve also hit this block. I can’t seem to break 230. I had hoped to break it last weekend, but did not. I’d like to blame it on TOM, but, well, see my last post.
I’d like to say I’ll break it this week. But, to do that I’ll have to break my weigh once a week rule since we’re heading out of town and I won’t be weighing in at TOPS.
Although, I’ve kind of been toying with the idea of buying a good bathroom scale and weighing everyday. I’m not doing it to compare my weight day to day, but day to same day the previous week. Also, I’d like to keep track everyday in a calendar along with other info, like how much I slept the night before as well as the quality of sleep. And, I’d like to compare how my weigh changes to how I ate and how much water I drank the day before. I just figure it’d be interesting to see how it all affects my weight form day to day and week to week.
Later y’all.

So, I’ve been looking through the success stories on My Fitness Pal. And, I’ve been looking at my friends (cough, Iris One L & Bob, cough) who have lost a phenomenal amount of weight and are looking fabulous. I mean truly fabulous.

I found myself thinking “Man, I wish I was posting one of these awesome before and after photo posts and getting all sorts of kudo’s comments.”

Then, the thought hit me. Why not me? Why does it have to be a wish to make one of those posts. I’m the one in control of my body. I’m the one in control of what I eat and how much exercising I do. I’m the one who decided to get up an hour early and workout or to re-set my alarm clock and not work out.

Seriously, why the hell am I sitting here saying “I wish”? It’s totally my show. I, and I alone, am the reason I will or will not have one of those posts in the next 8/12 months.

Seriously, guys. I am an idiot. I mean really? It shouldn’t have taken me this long to have that epiphany. I’m sorry, but me being over weight. It’s not genetics. It’s not the fast food or advertising industry’s fault. It’s not the fault of the resturant when we go out to eat. It’s not the fault of the weather not being ideal 9 months out of the year up here.

It’s mine.

It’s mine due the he choices I made when it came to what I put in my mouth and the activity I did or did not do. I’d like to say that my weight and eating habits are my mom’s fault for cooking 1950’s Americana growing up. Or that a leg injury is the reason I don’t exercise. But those are just excuses. Nothing more. Just sad excuses for being this size.

Guess what. Same goes for you too.

We have started to live in this no personal accountability world. “It’s ok honey, it’s not your fault you didn’t study and your grades are poor. It must be your teachers fault for not understanding how hard it is to be you.” Nope. Sorry. Personal Accountability. I will beat it into my kid if I have to. Blaming someone else gets you nowhere and nothing. Own up to your mistakes. Try harder next time. Everyone fails. Everyone loses sight of the big picture from time to time. Everyone slips up. Everyone needs a little push or encouragement. Why try to blame someone else for the same mistake you made right along side everyone else.

Samuel Beckett said it best, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

So, this is me. Failing better. How about you? Are you failing better this time?

So, I got a new tattoo.

It’s the Deadly Nightshade plant.

20120601-143305.jpg

(Sorry this isn’t the best picture. It was taken the morning after the tattoo was done so it’s all red. And plasma-y so it’s kind of shiny.)

So, this goes 2/3’s  up my calf.

 

Here’s the goal timeline:

  • 10 Pounds Down:   Start tattoo
  • 30 Pounds Down:   Just above knee
  • 50 Pounds Down:   To Hip
  • 70 Pounds Down:   Up back to shoulder blades
  • 80 Pounds Down:   Down the back of my Bicep (?), Over my shoulder (?), Down my ribcage (?) Not sure which one yet. Or, maybe nothing at all.

 

Here’s the timeline if I continue to lose 1.5 pounds a week:

  • 30 Pounds Down Segment:   09/08/12
  • 50 Pounds Down Segment:   12/15/12
  • 70 Pounds Down Segment:   03/23/13
  • 80 Pounds Down Segment:   06/29/13

 

Here’s to the goal tattoo.

All in all, I figure it’ll be about 15-20+ hours on the table. And a lot of money. But, for an 80 pound total loss, it’s a pretty good motivator. And, I really like the way it turned out.